Heartbreak is shattering. Soul stirring.
So how does one move on from the emptiness after heartbreak? Whether it’s loss of a loved one, a job, a social group, or the pain of being estranged from someone you care about deeply, it can leave you feeling hollow. Alone. Powerless. Scared.
Here’s the truth friend: you can handle this. You are stronger than you think! Repeat after me: “It’s going to be okay. I’m okay.”
Moving on is ok. It’s good. It’s healthy. However, you also have to do it in your own time and own way.
Do find a support system. It may be people you already know. It may be that you need to join a support group so you can network with others dealing with similar pain. As human beings, we need connection and relationship. Yes, it can be terrifying to share your story and walk with others in their stories, but walking with others makes the journey less lonely.
Do take care of yourself. We often take loss and failure as a sign that we should just go ahead and wallow on down the road to self-destruction. Warrior friend — fight this urge to shut down. Fight it. Defeat it. Get up! Take a walk, read a book, go to church, pray, meditate. Whatever you need to do to take care of you, do it! Do it now!
Let your soul be stirred. Yes, you read that correctly. Allow your deepest emotions to be stirred and get vulnerable. It’s in the vulnerability of our pain that we often find our truest, strongest, most courageously resilient self. Author and researcher Brené Brown in her book Daring Greatly says:
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Belonging. That word alone stirs my soul. I want to belong, to be accepted and loved. Loss, estrangement, separation, heartbreak — these stir feelings quite the opposite of belonging. So we have to fight our way back to belonging, relationship and acceptance of self and others after loss.
You are absolutely wired to recover. Our brains are able to move us towards hope and healing. It is good to find hope. Some days this will feel like an unscalable mountain. But fear not. You can! One day or even one moment at a time. Every small choice you make to move forward will eventually lead to a new reality….a new way of relating and experiencing life.
Talk to yourself. Yup. I’m not talking crazy here. Allow yourself to be redirected by your inner voice. Encourage yourself. When the sadness or self-deprecating thoughts overwhelm you, lean into truth. This is the truth: you will be okay.
Repeat after me: “It’s going to be okay. I’m okay.”
You are strong.
You are worthy of love.
You are not defined by what you have lost.
You are defined by what you believe to be true about yourself.
Lean into your truth.
You are loved.